New accommodation always means new neighbours, they can be loud or keep to themselves, some you invite round and others invite themselves. Sometimes you get that neighbour that just never seems to leave and becomes more like a housemate. I currently have a few of those and there is a distinct language barrier that means the issue cannot be resolved, well I say language, it’s more of a species barrier really.
Colin the cockroach lives in my shower drain and, occasionally, the sponge on my kitchen draining board makes the acquaintance of his wayward child. I have no problem sharing with them, they’re not any bother. I also don’t mind being the landing strip for various beetles and other bugs to crash land into when my kitchen is lit up like Blackpool after sunset. I quite enjoy the rare evening visits of Mr Gecko, and I’m happy to share my bathroom with a small colony of ants that keep themselves to themselves. But, recently, I had to draw the line at Gigantor.
There I was, quite happily mopping my floors on a Friday lunchtime when I got to the second-to-last corner, and my eyes met with one of the largest spiders I’ve ever seen. I could clearly see its eyes, legs and mandibles – basically every hairy detail that makes my toes curl. I wouldn’t say I’m scared of spiders but I’m definitely not a fan. Carefully, after a few direction changes, I managed to sweep Gigantor out of the front door. I may not like him and his kind but I see no need to kill him. Anyway, I continued to mop. The tendrils of the mop brushed against what I had, at first glance, dismissed as a lump of dust and BOOM! Hundreds of baby spiders exploded everywhere. It was obvious that Gigantor was actually Gigantess and although I now felt bad for banishing her outside, I am of the opinion that it’s bad form to give birth in someone’s kitchen without so much as an introduction!
I don’t mind small spiders but these babies would grow to be as enormous as their mum so I really didn’t want them in the house. I’m a massively soft touch when it comes to animals, I’ve been known on more than one occasion to rescue worms from puddles, and I didn’t want these babies negatively affected by the cleaning fluid I’d just mopped over most of the floor. Quickly and delicately I flipped the eggsac onto a dustpan, more babies shot out the spidery TARDIS so I leapt to the door and put as many outside as possible. Hopefully I wouldn’t be seeing anymore of those housemates. Next on the agenda was to find some way to quiet Lord Shouty Mouth who resided on next-doors water tank – Lord Shouty Mouth